For years, psychologists hypothesized that raising strong, confident boys had more to do with nurture than with nature, and that it was essential for parents--fathers, mainly--to instill in them a masculinity and sense of self. This masculinity was narrowly defined to exclude any interests or traits that could be considered girlish--things like sparkly dragons or painted nails. The underlying fear: Too much female, or mom, influence could sway a son's sexual orientation. The opposite has hardly been discussed--that too much male, or dad, influence will "make" a daughter gay. In fact, little girls who display what are thought of as typically male traits--such as playing sports, excelling in math and science, and wearing tomboyish clothing--are celebrated, and close relationships with their fathers are rarely questioned. It's one reason that schools hold father-daughter dances but tend to hold mother-son events that are sport-related, if they hold any at all.

Gender typing is believed to impede emotional development and account for anti social behavior in boys. In my work with families and parenting, I have observed that boys who are not trapped in gender roles grow up to be more independent, more open-minded, and more sexually tolerant than their peers. Their exposure to a greater repertoire of potential identities gave them a sense of parental acceptance that laid the groundwork for a natural assertiveness. These boys also more easily treated females with respect and openness.